|
|
Parenting Teen Tip: How to Handle
Teenage Behavior Problems with Ease
By Kelly Nault
|
|
The teenage years are perhaps the most difficult years for
parents and kids. As with any relationship, your relationship
with your kids goes through different cycles and stages. While
you were their “hero” in the toddler years, by the teen years
you may become just an “advisor to the board”—someone you hope
they will consult on crucial decisions!
Add teenage behavior problems to the parenting mix and things
can be downright tough. How you, as a parent, handle these
potentially tumultuous years is important for your own
well-being and your child’s.
|
|
Teenage Behavior Problems: Parenting Prevention Is the Best Medicine
It’s common sense: prevention is always the best option. If you
can create an environment that reduces the chance of teenage
behavior problems, this is certainly ideal.
Notice that it’s about creating an environment that reduces the
likelihood of problems—not about single-handedly keeping those
problems at bay. No matter how great a parent you are, you can’t
control your teen, just as you can’t control the decisions or
behavior of any other human being.
But while you can’t control your teen, you can control your own
behavior. You can decide how you will interact with your
teen—and this is where dealing with teenage behavior problems
begins.
|
The Power of Giving a Teen Choice
One of the most effective preventative methods is to give your
teen choices. I discuss this on page 127 of my parenting book When
You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With
You. Teach your teenagers responsibility by giving them
choices such as the following:
• “What day are you going to do the grocery shopping this week?”
• “I’ve written a check out for this season’s clothing
allowance. Would you like to shop alone or would you like me to
come along?”
• “You have $250 for activities this semester. Which will you
choose?”
When teens are offered choices on a regular basis, they become
better equipped to deal with the more difficult choices that
life will inevitably throw their way, such as:
• To decide whether or not to take drugs.
• To stand up for themselves.
• To walk away from violence.
• To choose friends who support them.
• To end unhealthy friendships.
• To pick high school courses they will enjoy.
• To decide if and when to have sexual intercourse.
Since teenage behavior problems don’t just crop up over night,
it’s important to start practicing your “preventative medicine”
early on. Give your children choices—no matter how young they
are. Toddlers can decide what color pants they want to wear, and
school-aged children can determine whether to do their homework
before or after snack time.
It’s never too early to start giving your children choices. Such
choices teach them responsibility and prepare them for the
“bigger” decisions that lie ahead.
|
What to Do When Teenage Behavior Problems Happen
Teenage behavior problems are bound to come, even to the
parents who faithfully practice “preventative medicine” and
regularly extend choices and decision-making power to their
children.
One problem area is curfew. Curfew is a big trigger, especially
because moms want to keep their kids safe. It is essential to be
clear with your boundaries while also giving your teens the
opportunity to discuss alternatives.
On page 150 of my book, I suggest the following:
1. Set a specific time. Be certain that it is clear.
2. Discuss ahead of time what to do if they are late.
Have them call you by telephone so you don’t worry. If they need
a ride or are in a dangerous situation, ask them to call you (if
this happens make certain you don’t yell at them the entire ride
home!).
3. Discuss the parenting commonsense consequences of being late. A
common one is that their curfew will be an hour earlier for the
next week until they prove that they can be responsible with
time. Once they do this, then go back to their original curfew.
It is important that this is not used as a punishment. You may
also decide to give them the option of having their friends over
until the time of their regular curfew.
These steps for handling curfew ensure your teens will keep
actively making choices about their behavior, which is crucial.
No matter what the issue is, whether it is about their curfew or
something else, try to implement the same principles outlined
here. As much as possible, create an environment in which your
teens can make decisions about their own behavior.
Finally, take teenage behavior problems in stride. An
over-the-top reaction from you will guarantee an over-the-top
reaction from your teen—which is usually an over-the-top attempt
to not “get caught” the next time. Instead of inspiring good
decisions, such heavy-handedness discourages teens and prompts
them toward making more poor choices.
Be gentle; be firm; be patient; be loving. You’ll find teenage
behavior problems will be a lot less problematic.
|
*********************************************
Kelly Nault, MA award winning parenting author of When You’re
About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You
inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their
children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to
want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her
free online parenting course here.
You are
free
to print or publish this article provided the article and bio
remain as written and include a link to
www.mommymoments.com
as shown above.
© 2005-06 Ultimate Parenting.
All rights reserved. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
