|
The “pendulum of parenting” is a common obstacle that prevents
many moms (and dads) from enjoying parenting more.
When something flies out of your mouth that you wish you could
take back, when you feel taken advantage of, or when you think
your children don’t appreciate all that you do, there’s a good
chance you’re on this roller coaster of childrearing I call the
"Pendulum of Parenting."
America seems to have particular problems with this pendulum. As
a direct result of refusing to use “outdated” parenting
strategies from earlier generations, many moms find themselves
swinging between two extremes: the “Mussolina Mom” and the
“Pillowy-Soft Mom,” as I call them in the first chapter of my
parenting book When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take
Your Kids With You.
The best way to understand the Mussolina Mom and the Pillowy-Soft
Mom is to take a glimpse at their parenting methods. Here’s a
quick look at these two extremes.
1. “Mussolina Mom”
Mussolina
Mom is the boss, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She is
heavy-handed, wanting her way at all costs. This mom establishes
a home of strict boundaries with little flexibility, and she
often has a quick temper. Her raised voice can often be heard
dictating what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Yelling,
grounding, and taking away privileges are a few of the ways this
mom attempts to “make” her kids listen. Her downfall? Her
children often find ways of secretly doing what they want
anyhow—sometimes in dangerous situations. Ultimately, this mom
is defeated on the battlefield of her own home.
2. “Pillowy-Soft Mom”
Pillowy-Soft Mom is sweet, nice, and a true pushover. She wants
peace at all costs and uses passive approaches to deal with
conflict—often reasoning with her children only to later give
in. She is generally softer spoken, gives many “chances,” and
does for her kids what her kids could do for themselves. This
home is all about flexibility with little to no boundaries. The
downfall? Children run the household, dictating to Mom what to
do; they learn to use guilt and manipulation to get their way.
|
